i thot today was my lucky day.. i got called up at bugis street to be a hair cut model.. which means i get a free hair cut.. de best thing was its from toni&guy~ toni&guy is damn ex la.. n i bought a top i really lyk..

but de best was not to be.. i'm so upset.. wish someone was here fer me.. my song is not working anymore.. de song dat years ago mickey tell me to listen to it wheneva i'm upset n i wun be anymore.. but its not working..

i wish someone can understand how i feel n how i think.. y is it dat deres so many ppl in my life but deres noone dere..

//a whirlpool of mellysadness//

lol.. jus finish my game.. so funny man.. de first game was alrite.. cos too long neva play le.. den starting microing sux.. but when things became gd i kena dc.. its lyk wth -_-!! lol.. cos playing vs AI.. lol.. second game was nice~ till i itchy backside go n take de rapier.. lol.. but its lyk lying on de floor damn tempting la.. wahaha.. so i tooked it.. wahaha.. VS wif eos, boots of travel, rapier n 3 hyperstone.. wahaha.. den i had to go kill myself at roshan to return.. lol.. in de end we lost.. lol.. dunno wat i do sia.. after dat keep dying.. anyway.. had a terrific day~

Thanks fer a wonderful day~ enjoyed myself alot alot.. frm 8am-2am.. whao~~

had loads of ice cream!!! so gonna be fat.. eat so much fattening stuffs.. chicken rice, char kway teow, shabu shabu set meal, a bowl of soft ice cream n green tea ice cream, strawberry n blueberry ice cream n subway's meatball marinara!!!! tell me.. how to to be fat!?! lol..

oh well.. i enjoyed myself alot today after all.. damn happy wif my monkehs~~ n de tonnes of sweets~ *giggles* Thanks fer all de effort strawberry pie!

Now so broke fer tomolo's meeting wif chocolate n honey.. haiz.. lucky dey oso no money le.. so jus chill~ wahaha~ think i betta sleep if not late as usual den honey gonna nag le.. nitey~ *muacks*

wee~~ i won 2 monkeys at arcade today!! 1 pink n 1 blue.. oh n tonnes n tonnes of sweets.. lol.. can't believe my luck~ so happy!! hee~ wanna see my monkies?? in my frenter.. wahaha~~ monkeh monkeh monkeh~~

i'm so upset now.. wish i had a shoulder.. wish i can scream out loud.. wish my stm will erase my memory.. how nice it wuld be if i cannot remem a thing.. haiz.. but i can't.. i wun.. its jus another fantasy.. i wish fer someone.. someone to be dere.. but deres noone.. noone.. haiz..

i hate everybody!! i hate myself!! arhhh... i dun wanna be here anymore~ y? yyy????? this is so unfair~ y mus i be me!?! i hate it!! i hate it!!! argh~~~~~ all i wanted is jus to be happy.. is it so hard?? do u hate me dat much lord?? i jus wanna be happy..

chocolate once said how envy he was of me to be able to be de one dat makes decisions.. hmm.. actually i dun wanna make decisions.. i dun wanna regret one day n wishing i had made another decision.. n up to current i've not really made any decision.. cos i dunno wat to decide.. as in i noe wat to decide but haiz.. u get my drift.. i noe i'm already sinking into mistakes and sins.. but its not lyk i wan to.. i jus sink.. its lyk quicksand.. de more i wanna get up, de deeper i sink in.. haiz.. it ain't so great to be de one making de decision after all huh?? but i think i'll make de decision when de time comes.. althou i stil haf no idea wat its gonna be n how i'm gonna persuade myself to do so.. but i guess i will.. i guess..

I hope i can disappear.. i wanna disappear.. i wanna disappear frm de face of de earth~
//screaming in an enclosed bottle//

i hope life become monotoneous.. i dun wanna haf dreams.. i dun dare to haf dreams..

After swimming wif my mummy today; listening to the things she haf said abt my past n present only make me hate myself more.. my neighbour pass me a book in de middle of the nite or early morning as u wuld call it after de world cup.. a book on finding meaning to ur life.. is dat a hint? a signal?? cus if it is.. hopefully it will be more obvious.. haiz..

lost, stranded n alone in this busy little city.. hoping dat sooner or later i wuld fish myself up.. but if i culd do dat i wuld haf done dat earlier wun i? yest i woke up at 2pm.. culdn't even hear my mummy knocking on de door.. how i wish i wun wake up.. tired of chasing dreams..

//tired melly//

"Perfect isn't beautiful; Human is" what a statement for one who love perfection.. the irony of it all..


is STM good afterall?? its not as if i ferget everything or remem everything.. worst part of it is dat butter remems all the things dat is intended to be forgotten n forgets all the impt things lyk work and deadlines.. hmm.. can butter actually swim it all off?? n how wuld butter noe which to swim off n which to keep? memories are slowly fading into slow motion movies..

-confused-upset-depress-
is dat all dat butter feels? fer all we noe, it mite be a norm as we speak.. is independancy exactly wat everybody think it is? as we always depend on someone.. how can one truely gain independancy? sometimes i do not understand y i do the things i do.. to be independant? to be numb? y is it dat i alwaiz do things only to feel remorse and regret..

honey and chocolate are in full support in everything i do.. afterall dey can't really do much except to input their opinions only fer me to ultimately decide at de end..

Sometimes the things u wanna say or tell somebody is brimming but yet u noe dat u can't let it overflow.. n u try as u mite to prevent it frm happening.. i'm bursting.. lyk a balloon being stretched to its limits.. y mus some alwaiz try to exfoliate?? is a gd thing to noe ppls' private life?? lyk wen we whisper in a corner, it jus seems so tempting to evesdrop is it?

i wish i can sort everything out.. i wish i can tell u wats going on.. i wish i can jus be happy!! y does everybody wans fer me to be happy n i'm jus not??

//melting butter//